


Everything in Transit

by fighthesky



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Childhood Trauma, F/M, Finn's a close-minded cutie, M/M, Modern AU, Ren's an introverted asshole, Rey is a keeper, Slow Burn, Sorry guys, i don't know how to use these tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-04-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 03:11:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 14,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5989942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fighthesky/pseuds/fighthesky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey Kenobi is an intern at First Order Industries, a global publishing firm in New York.</p><p>No one ever said adulthood was easy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Little Less Conversation (I)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey this is my first Reylo modern au so please be gentle with me. I don't have a beta so let me know if there are any glaring typos!

Rey never thought she'd go to college. She thought her life would stretch endlessly before her; a series of monotonous long days at her guardian's car shop fixing things and making things and paying her dues for the rest of her young life. 

It was only when her friend Finn told her she should apply - and that her could get her an internship at his workplace First Order Industries - a publishing house that was dominating the global market, that Rey even considered a different future. 

She read up about them online and saw she could do an apprenticeship in the factory; working on the machines and fixing something other than cars for once. 

So she moved to New York with Finn, said goodbye to the shop and threw herself heart and soul into her new life. 

It wasn't easy, they struggled with the rent; Finn coming back from work one day with a haunted look in his eyes saying he couldn't do it anymore. 

Rey asked why but got no response. Her friend of almost a decade closed up on her and spiralled into a spell of unemployment. She was forced to get a weekend job to keep them afloat while Finn sat at home and wallowed in self-pity, gradually becoming a shadow of his normal exhuberant self. 

Rey was half way through her 12 hour shift at Solo & co., wanting to claw out her eyeballs because it was so busy and she was so tired and her dream of applying to college this - or even next - year was disappearing down the drain with every latte macchiato. She pasted a smile on her face and rang up the next order, trying to absorb the positivity of one of their regulars, Poe, who was charming everyone in sight with his wide, easy smiles and floppy dark hair which always seemed to embody the tousled 'just got out of bed' look. 

Rey allowed herself a little grin, punching his order into the till. 

'Same as usual, Dameron?'

'You know me so well,' Poe beamed and Reg felt her spirits rise, cheeks flushing slightly. He was attractive in a conventional sense, all white teeth and most likely nice pecs underneath his NASA tee. 

'How're your studies going?'

Poe's face fell a tiny bit, brow creasing.

'Awesome thanks,' he lied, 'I've got my first exam coming up and I'm a little nervous, but I just need to keep focused and enjoy it.'

'You'll smash it Poe, I've got absolute faith in you.'

Their eyes met as she plonked his coffee down on the counter and his crinkled in a smile. 

'Cheers Rey.' He toasted her with the cup, about to leave when he paused.

'Look,' he began quickly, 'I don't wanna presume-.'

She raised an eyebrow.

'My friends and I are going to Maz's for some drinks tonight, if you fancy joining us?'

Rey tried to hold back her enthusiasm but failed, her face lighting up. 

'Cool! Yeah, that sounds great. Uh, can I bring my friend Finn? He's a bit stuck for company right now-.'

'Sure thing! Bring whoever you like! I'll Facebook you with the details. Thanks for the coffee!'

Rey felt an odd sense of relief wash over her. Finn was coming out whether he wanted to or not - some socialising would do him good.

And it would be nice to get out of the apartment.

She spent the rest of her shift feeling like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders. She was looking forward to telling Finn the good news after she'd closed up. 

She snagged a couple of blueberry muffins for the road and caught the bus home, taking the stairs two at a time before commencing her battle with the badly fitted front door to their apartment. 

When she'd squeezed her way in she awkwardly hurdled the rubbish bag in the hallway, Finn's bike and their newest resident - Tie - a malnourished black kitten who yowled angrily at her feet. 

'Finn!' No answer. 'Finn?' She crossed the hall to the living room, scanning for his dark head. Oh lord, please don't let him be in bed again, she thought desperately.

Rey poked her head into his room but he wasn't there either. 

She threw her hands up, grinding her teeth as she reigned in her temper. 

She strode into her bedroom and swung her messenger bag into the bed, running her hands through her wavy hair, thinking about a million things she had to do when she spotted a solitary figure on the balcony. 

She stopped, watching him for a few minutes, allowing herself a deep sigh before sliding the door open to join him.

The sun was sinking on the horizon, bathing the cityscape in a fiery glow. It was a stunning evening, fresh and clear with the threat of Autumn lingering in the summer air. 

'Beautiful night for it.' 

Finn started at her interruption, but turned and smiled at her. He seemed better today, calmer, less strung-out. His smile was genuine, sweet. 

'Hey Rey,' he was dressed and freshly showered, wearing a green button down and beige slacks, 'How was work?'

She tipped her head onto his shoulder. 

'Long.' He hummed in agreement.

Suddenly her head shot up. 

'But I made a friend! He's called Poe. He's gonna be a pilot!' 

Finn's eyebrows were twin crescents of intrigue.

'Is he cute?'

Rey shoved him playfully.

'Yeah he's gorgeous, he's Guatamalan - well, half-.'

Finn was smirking, barely containing his laughter.

'Get your mind out of the gutter Mr. Storm, he's just a friend!'

He laughed loudly.

'Well, if he fancies a dip in the other side of the ocean-.'

It was Rey's turn to shake with mirth as he struck a coy pose, biting his lip and fluttering his eyelashes. 

'I'll let you know,' she patted his shoulder and he nodded sombrely. 

'You're too much awesome for some people Finn.' 

He pouted, sticking his chin out. 

Rey rolled her eyes.

'There there. Anyway, I was going to say he's invited us for drinks at Maz's tonight.'

A shadow passed over his face and their gazes met, fear shining around the edges of his bravado. 

'Please, just come for a couple. For me. We can get drunk and criticise other people like we normally do. It'll be fun.'

He tilted his head, expression fond.

'Poe is really cute.' 

'Ok,' he agreed finally, 'I guess I should get out more.' 

Rey beamed and wrapped her arms around Finn's shoulders, pressing her nose into his neck. He didn't move for a moment, then slid his arms around her waist, holding her so close she could barely breathe. Then he was lifting her off the ground and she was squealing like a pig, thumping him soundly as she demanded he put her down. 

When she was safely on the ground, hair askew, cheeks pink, he leaned down and squashed her cheek to his lips with a resounding smack. 

She swatted him away making 'ew ew ew' noises, but they were both grinning like idiots. 

'What would I do without you, Rey?'

Turning to go back inside, she looked over her shoulder and winked. 

'I dunno, crash and burn probably?' 

'Hey, I'll have you know I am a strong and independent man!'

She snorted. 

'Yeah, yeah who don't need no man, I get it.' 

'I don't!' 

She disappeared inside, not dignifying him with an answer. 

Outside, Finn waved his hands in indignation, muttering to himself 'totally cool Finn, totally cool, you just crashed and burned, you absolute asswipe...'

 


	2. A little more action (I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn and Rey attempt to go out. Drama ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting more into the swing of it now. I love the idea of Rey and Finn as BFFs and Finn making a fool of himself because he's an adorable moron. 
> 
> This is going to be a slow burn fic btw. Everything will happen in due course!

As it turned out, getting into Maz's at peak time on a Saturday night was harder than it seemed on paper. 

Rey, who had only just turned 21 radiated the youthful exuberance of someone who was barely legal and struggled, apparently, to be taken seriously when it came to getting entry to bars. 

The bouncer had her ID so close to his face his nose was almost pressed up against it. 

Rey was bouncing on the spot, reigning in her frustration more and more with every passing second. Next to her Finn blabbered in her defence. 

'It's a real ID man, she just turned 21 last week-.' 

The bouncer looked up from his examination to pin Finn with a glare and the boy closed his mouth, clenching his teeth against any more choice words. 

'This was a terrible idea, why did I agree to this-.' 

Rey punched him and he cried out, yanking his arm away and frowning down at her.

'Will you shut the hell up.' 

The bouncer bad passed her ID to a colleague and they were both shooting suspicious looks their way. 

Rey decided to try another tactic. She pulled her phone and texted for backup before focusing her attention on bouncer number two. 

'Look Sir,' Finn huffed to her right and she ignored him pointedly, 'I understand if you don't want to let me in...' 

She stuck out her lower lip and sighed in pretend melancholy, 'I just got this ID and this is the first time I've used it.' She shrugged and tried her best to make her big brown eyes bigger and browner. 

The first bouncer bad moved on, checking IDs behind them. 

'What's your date of birth?' Number two said finally, his gaze less threatening. 

Rey put on her best 'I'm a serious 21 year old' face. 

'August 21, 1992.' 

He considered her for a moment, then handed back her card. 

'Go on.' 

Her and Finn pushed open the doors without a word. When they were inside, Finn whooped and they high-fived like idiots. 

'Right on!' 

At this moment Poe extricated himself from the teaming crowd at the bar and spotted them, phone in hand, a smile breaking across his face. 

Rey beamed and Poe held out out his arms.  He had obviously had a couple of drinks, or was just really pleased to see her and she hesitated briefly before throwing caution to the wind and launching herself towards him. He caught her easily and swung her round.

She landed on her feet, grinning like a moron and he pushed his phone into his back pocket. 

Two hugs in one day, maybe there was something in the air.

Rey turned to Finn to introduce them and almost burst out laughing at his face - which was a picture. She wished she had a camera to capture the mixture of shock, mild horror and 'hit with a train' expression on his face. 

'Poe, this is Finn, Finn - Poe.' 

Poe turned his friendly gaze on Finn, holding out his hand. Finn had the grace to close his mouth, but he accepted the proffered hand like he'd never seen one before in his life. 

'Hey.' He croaked out. Rey had to cover her mouth to stop herself cracking up. 

'Hey man, nice to meet you.' 

Poe flashed him a heart-stopping smile and let go, pointing a thumb towards the bar. 

'So happy you guys could make it - can I get you a drink?' 

Finn was frozen, the words 'nice to meet you too' stuck in his throat. Rey clapped him on the shoulder and he dropped his hand, apparently overcome.

'That would be wonderful, Poe. Two Jack and cokes please.' 

'Coming right up.' 

He muscled his way to the counter and Rey turned to her friend, a shit-eating grin on her face. 

'Told you he was hot.'

Finn didn't say anything for a moment, his eyes burning holes in the back of Poe's t-shirt as though couldn't look away. He dragged himself back and stared at Rey, horrified. 

'Oh my god Rey he's so hot.' 

He covered his face in his hands as she cackled. 

'So not gay.' He continued, half to himself, words muffled behind his fingers. 

Rey tried to catch her breath, grabbing Finn's bicep for support. 

'Hey you don't know that!' 

'I do.' He mumbled. 

'Where's your positive attitude?' 

'You're actually good-looking though.' He dropped his hands, despair colouring his features. 

Rey sobered, punching him non-too gently in the arm. 

'Don't you dare start that shit again, I'm not having any of it.' 

Finn met her gaze morosely. 

'If you don't at least try and have a good time I'm not inviting you out again. Now cheer up,' she poked him in the chest with emphasis, 'that's an order.' 

He narrowed his eyes at this, but didn't have chance to respond as Poe came barrelling back towards them, clutching a precarious tower of full cups. 

'Thank you so much.' Rey grabbed one and gave it a sniff, confirming the whiskey and pushed it into Finn's hands.

She repeated the same ritual with the others and found the second whiskey, clinking with the rest and taking a gulp. 

'My first legal drink.'

'Congratulations!' 

It took all of Finn's power not to down the drink in one. Instead he took a generous mouthful and tugged his lips into what he hoped was a smile, but was most likely more of a grimace. Catching Rey's annoyance it was definitely the latter. 

Poe touched his elbow, concerned. 

'Your drink alright, buddy?'

He smiled manically. 

'Yeah, it's great thanks! Absolutely great.' 

Poe blinked. 

Rey watched the exchange with mild horror.

This was going to an interesting night. 


	3. Nothing Ever Happens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'You're going to meet a tall dark (drunk) stranger.'

To Finn's credit, after a few drinks he appeared to get over how attractive he found Poe and loosen up - breaking out some moves on the dance floor and making them all laugh.

As well as Poe, there were his friends - two girls and a boy. Rey couldn't remember their names, but they seemed to be having a good time, welcoming Rey and Finn into the fold.

They were a few hours into the night and it was Rey's turn to buy a round. She charged to the bar, her energy spiking due to the level of caffeine she'd consumed and a general high from dancing and having fun.

She practically scaled the counter, palms flat on the surface as she projected herself forwards to be noticed.

A few minutes passed and it was too busy to be heard so she lowered herself onto her feet and planted her elbows on the bar, headless of the spilled drinks and dirty serviettes.

She didn't notice the solitary figure nursing his fifth bourbon to her left until he stood up and towered above her, motioning one of the boys over with a slight wave of his hand.

'Yes?' Shouted the poor boy over the pulsating beat of the music.

The man pointed to Rey and Rey stretched her lithe body, almost head butting the boy in her enthusiasm to tell him her order. He jerked back a little but nodded in understanding and disappeared.

Rey sank to the floor like she was made of elastic, going on tip-toe to shout a thank you into the tall man's ear.

The man blinked, wiping spittle off his cheek as he turned to regard her from his excessively high vantage point.

Oblivious, Rey grinned in drunken delight at him, then something clicked and she grabbed hold of his arm, miming a cup in hand, looking expectant.

The man stared down at her, non-plussed at the attention this strange exhuberant creature was giving him and the small hand clutching at his bicep in what was a surprisingly strong grip.

Rey pointed at his drink and then - to his horror - took it from his numb fingers to sniff it and set it back down again, nodding.

The boy had come back and she pointed to the man's drink, shouting something at him.

The tall man was very confused. She had managed to identify his drink by sniffing it?

She had just taken his drink.

And sniffed it.

He couldn't do anything but stare at her. She was young, that was clear. Bright hazel eyes, dark hair that was falling from its bindings to her shoulders, strong athletic arms and soft, elf-like features.

God he must be drunk. He actually wanted to touch another human being. But she would flinch away, obviously. I mean, who would want some random gangly stranger to poke their face anyway?

He finished his current drink, allowing the alcohol to blanket his senses, wash away his gruelling week and leave him in a pleasant, buzzing state, the music surrounding him, nobody calling his name-

'Here you go!' The girl's voice floated towards him, 'Cheers!' 

He zeroed in on the small hand with a drink  which hovered expectantly near his. 

He smiled loosely. 

'Cheers.' 

She slammed her glass into his with some force and took a gulp. 

It looked like that was the end of it and all he could do was stare at her, memorise every detail because he probably wouldn't-

'What's your name?' 

She piped up. His thoughts ground to a halt and he opened his mouth, a name falling out that he hadn't used in a long time. 

'Ben.'

'I'm Rey! 

He repeated her name in confusion and she laughed. 

'Yeah! Nice to meet you Ben!'

At this moment Finn, who had taken a break from dancing to look for his friend, spotted her and his eyes slid to her companion, widening as they ran over his silhouette, considerably more messy dark hair and pale skin. 

He would recognise that man anywhere and he was crossing the short distance before he knew what he was doing, grabbing Rey by the arm and tugging her away from him. 

The man - Sir Ren - he remembered, frowned at him, realisation trickling into his brown eyes like hourglass sand. 

'You-,' began Finn, feeling the cold fingers of rage grab hold of him, 'You-.' 

The man looked deeply shocked, his mouth ajar, face whiter than usual. 

'You get away from her.' Finn managed to gasp out. 

Rey was struggling in his grip, furious Finn had made her spill all her drinks. 

For a moment nothing existed apart from the two men. Their eyes were locked, both apparently unable to sum up their feelings into words. Poe appeared at their side, putting a comforting hand on Finn's shoulder, eventually taking it upon himself to extricate Rey. 

They tried to intervene but neither men were biting. 

Ben was riding an unpleasant wave of helplessness. Finn's face would be imprinted in his memory for as long as he lived, his dark hands slicked darker with blood, brown eyes desperate and wet with unshed tears. 

He felt trapped, his heart was hammering in his chest and he was finding it hard to breathe. Blackness was clouding his vision and he realised - with surprise - that he was having a panic attack. 

He hadn't had one of those since he was a teenager. 

He might actually pass out. 

Clutching at his chest he tried to croak out something to the boy, anything that might explain his actions. But he couldn't. Nothing was working properly. If he could just -.

'Finn, Finn stop! Can't you see he's going to pass out -.'

Rey freed herself from Poe and they both leapt forward to catch Ben as he went down like a sack of potatoes. 

All Finn could do was stare, his eyes stinging with tears, emotions churning. He felt sick and turned and ran for the doors, battling past security and skidding onto the concrete as he began to vomit copiously onto the cold ground. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do we think? Too much too soon? 
> 
> Ben is about 7 or 8 years older than Rey in this, Finn is around 23 and Poe is 25.


	4. Wanted Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn goes AWOL, Ben struggles to exist, Rey and Poe did not think this was how their night was gonna go.

Finn was losing the plot, his stomach clenched as he squeezed out the last few drops of bile onto the growing pile. 

His head was pounding, his mouth felt like a garbage can and all he wanted to do was cancel this last few minutes from his life and carry on the night from before. 

He stood up shakily, grasping the building to his left for support and breathing shallow and fast. 

He couldn't go back inside. 

This was not happening. 

'What the fuck Finn,' he mumbled to himself, careening off down the street like a rogue firework, 'What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck.' 

Meanwhile, under the spinning lights and thumping music of the club, Poe, Rey and an exasperated supervisor were crouched over Ben, who was lying prone underneath the bar like a rag doll, his head in Poe's lap and Rey bouncing on her heels and ringing her hands as they debated whether to ring an ambulance. 

'Ben,' Rey coaxed, 'Ben you need to wake up.' 

For the fourth time in a row, Ben didn't respond. Poe laid his fingers to the man's neck. 

'I'm calling an ambulance.' 

Said the staff member finally, rising to their feet and disappearing into the back. 

Rey shook the tall man gently, then with more vigor. Poe put his hand on her arm and she stopped, sighing. 

'Do you think he's ok?'

'I dunno buddy, I think we'll just have to take him to the ER and see what they say.' 

Poe rubbed a tan hand over tired eyes. In Rey's blurry state of sobriety she considered how good-looking he was, and how Finn would - 

'Shit!' She whispered, 'Where's Finn?!' 

'What?'

'Finn! Where's he gone?'

Poe stuck a thumb towards the door and Rey bolted, hitting the pavement outside in record time, scanning the dark streets for her friend. 

She couldn't see him, where was he? 

She accosted the bouncer to ask whether he'd seen him. The man said he'd ran out a few minutes ago but he didn't know where he's gone. 

Rey was panicking. He'd just wandered off into the city by himself at - she consulted her phone - 3am! She angrily punched in his number. If he wasn't dead, she was going to kill him. 

His phone went straight to voicemail and she let out a quiet scream of frustration. 

What an asshole. 

She rang four, five times. 

No answer. 

Finally she left him an angry message and kicked the sidewalk before storming back in to Poe and Ben. 

As she knelt beside them, she realised Ben's dark eyes were open and he was at least somewhat lucid as he grasped for her sleeve. 

He took a breath and tried to form a sentence. 

'You - you need to tell -,' his voice was cracked and she could barely hear him over the music, 'You need to tell him I'm sorry.' 

'Who? What?' 

Rey leaned in so close that she could see a spattering of freckles across his prominent nose and appreciate the length of his dark eyelashes. 

'What are you on about?' 

He gaped like a fish out of water and she berated herself silently for asking him. 

Eventually he closed his mouth and very subtly shook his head. 

'I'm not a good person.' 

He murmured and let himself flop bonelessly back onto Poe's thighs. 

Rey didn't know what the hell was going on but this man needed a hospital like ASAP. 

A few more minutes passed and suddenly they were whisked away in a blur of paramedics and stretchers, Poe and Rey helpless to do much more than stand there - giving what information they could. 

'Is there anyone we can call?' Asked one man, and Rey turned to the bar staff, aware the man might have a jacket or coat tucked away that might contain a clue to his identity. 

The bartender pulled out a huge expensive-looking black wool coat from the back and handed it to her. She patted it down, digging in the pockets until she found a large, expensive-looking black smart phone. 

Rey saw he had a missed call from a Leia Organa and swiped to call them back, indicating to the paramedics that she would be outside. 

'Hello?' 

Came a woman's voice from the other end. 

'Hi, are you any direct relation of the owner of this phone?'

'Yes, I'm his mother. Why, what's happened?' 

Rey breathed a sigh of relief. 

'Your son has had a panic attack, I was with him and he's being taken to the city hospital.'

'Thank you. I'm on my way.' 

The line went dead.

Rey's adrenaline was waning and she could feel the tiredness creeping into her veins like a drug. 

She stared at the screen which featured a very happy-looking dog sporting a sign that read 'I ate all the leftover food in the bin and now I'm going to vomit everywhere and expect my master to clean it up'. 

She smiled half-heartedly and thought about the messy situation she'd waded through tonight, and that, despite everything, she had felt a strange connection with the tall man with the sad eyes and features too big for his face. 

She went back in, passed the phone back to the bartender and requested that her number be left with it incase the man had any questions about the night's events. 

With that sorted she turned to Poe and just sort of tipped herself into his shoulder, feeling an odd sense of relief wash over her as his arms squeezed her comfortingly. 

For once in her life she wasn't alone in this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When shall they meet again? Is Poe scarred for life? Does Finn need therapy? 
> 
> Watch this space.


	5. Hold Back The River

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night part II. Multiple POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some references to childhood trauma, neglect and violence but nothing too explicit.

As he wandered down a barely lit street Finn began to surface from his churning sea of turmoil. He began to feel the cold air nipping at his exposed skin, taste the horrible sting of vomit on his lips, notice his immediate surroundings and finally allow his thoughts to slot into a managable order. 

He stopped at the end of a tree-lined avenue and took stock of his location, the world righting itself, level and solid. 

He was about seven blocks from the club, he felt horrendous. His head was pounding and his breath was steaming in the minus degrees of a New York night. 

The first order of business was to call Rey. 

He fumbled for his phone with numb fingers, clicking the home button and squinting in the bright light, cringing at the lines of missed calls, voicemails and messages from his friend. 

Ok, he could do this. 

'Finn! I've been so worried, where the hell are you?!' 

'I-I'm so so sorry Rey - I freaked, I'm about seven blocks away - I'm really sorry to worry you-.'

He heard her breathe out as she reigned in her temper. 

'Look, it's ok just-,' she stopped to exchange words with someone else, 'Can you head in our direction?'

Panic lanced through him. 

'Whose direction?' 

'Mine and Poe's.' 

He was partly relieved it wasn't that...Mr Ren or whatever he was called. He wasn't equipped to handle that right now. 

'I'm not sure.' 

'Ok. Where are you? Poe's gonna hail a cab.' 

He found a street name and loitered miserably until a taxi pulled up, Rey spilling out of it to pull him into a tight embrace. 

'You're an idiot,' she mumbled into his ear, 'I'm so gonna kill you. Once I've had like 12 hours sleep.' 

He laughed brokenly and she wrinkled her nose when he kissed her cheek. 

'Get in you giant arse.' He slid into the car next to a tired-looking Poe.

The journey back to the flat was uneventful. They dropped Poe off and crawled upstairs to bed, both hoping a new day would bring better things. 

 

Ben's POV

 

He'd felt worse, Ben decided, but this was definitely in his top five shittiest moments. He vaguely remembered losing control of his body and ending up prone like an invalid on the floor while two complete strangers hovered over him.

He'd met a girl. 

A drunk girl. 

A pretty, disarmingly charming drunk girl who bought him a drink by sniffing his and had crouched over him, worry in her eyes.

And then that guy from work had appeared. Out of all the guys it had to be THAT one. The one at the time of the incident with the accusatory brown eyes and the blood splattered all down his front. He had appeared and suddenly all the pain he had been suppressing from that night came crashing back into his mind's eye.

The hospital bed was small and smelt funny. He groaned, finally unfolding himself from the cramped position he'd been forced to sleep in and raising himself up, head fuzzy, throat dry. 

Because he'd been blessed with ridiculously large appendages, Ben knocked the water over before he could drink it, realising at the last moment he was attached to drip.

At his gasp, followed by cursing, his mother stirred from her seat by the door and watched Ben flounder around like a bull in a china shop, smiling softly. 

Ben, who had yet to notice her, stopped flapping and sat back on the pillows, sighing.

'Ben.' 

His eyes flew open and he glared at her in confusion. 

'What are you doing here? H-How did you even-.'

Leia stood up, graceful as always, adjusting her coat and scarf as she approached.

Ben shrank back into the bed as though it could swallow all 6'3 of him. 

'I have no idea Ben. A girl called me from your phone about,' she consulted her watch, 'Five hours ago.'

'A girl?' He replied disbelievingly, his mind reeling.

'Yes Ben,' she was definitely internally rolling her eyes, 'A girl who was clearly concerned about your welfare.'

'And you came? Why.' 

He was somewhere on the bridge between furious and terrified. 

'Because you're my son.' ('You imbecile' was implied).

His lip curled in a sneer.

'Yeah, sure. Just let me get the 'best parent' award. It's right down there with 'mom of the year'.'

If she was hurt, she didn't show it. But then she never showed any emotion if she could help it. Why did he have to inherit all the anger, self-doubt, recklessness and lack of self-restraint but none of the good stuff. 

She moved closer and he realised how old she looked, how the years had been kind to her but it had been so long since...

'She said you had a panic attack. You haven't had one of those since you were a teenager. What happened?'

He turned his face away.

'I was drunk.' He forced out.

She nodded, understanding his need for self-preservation, which was so goddamn annoying. 

'Well, it was worth a shot. The doctors say you're going to be fine.'

'Of course I'm going to be fine.' 

Why did he always turn into a defensive child when she was around. He was angry, his body was aching and he did not want to have to deal with this right now. 

'Ben-.'

'Don't call me that.'

She reached out to lay the back of her hand against his cheek and he was so tense that his jaw was spasming from gritting his teeth.

'Ben, I know it's been a long time since we've talked.'

He looked at her then, saw her flinch at the anger in his eyes and almost apologised. 

Unfortunately, it was too late for all that malarkey. 

'What shall we talk about today Mrs Organa? How you failed to notice your son's behavioral issues? How he was hurting himself and other people but you just blamed it on a 'bad crowd'? How the only possible solution was to send your son to boarding school with good old 'Uncle Luke' and let him deal with your problems because you didn't have the courage to deal with them yourself.'

Leia was silent, her hand determinedly cupping his face in the most frustratingly gentle way. Her eyes shone with unshed tears. 

This was all too much. The familiar build of his insatiable appetite for rage and destruction rumbled in his chest and he screamed internally, desperate for this all to end. 

'I forgive you Ben, I can only hope you'll eventually do the same.' 

He wrenched her hand away from him, physically shaking with the effort not to dig his nails into her soft skin.

'Leave me alone. You're pathetic.' 

As comebacks go it was weak but his head was pounding, his throat felt raw and his heart was hammering in his chest. 

She merely took his hand between hers and kissed it, sadness lining her kind face and pooling in her eyes. 

Ben was torn. The beast inside of him wanted to claw her face until she bled, the rational human side was more concerned he was about to go into cardiac arrest or throw up. 

He closed his eyes against all this, if only not to watch her suffer. 

Her hand went swiftly to his forehead and she cursed - which was so unlike her that he frowned and forgot his inner battle.

Then she got up and walked out of the room and all he cared about was that she had left and he was safe before he drifted off into a fitful sleep. 


	6. Your Best Fake Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Over to Finn and Rey. 
> 
> (Background Poe).

Rey pried open her eyes to greet the morning, her alarm digging into her sleep like a knife. 

She needed a shower. 

Like now. 

Rolling out of bed she zombie-shuffled to the shower and stood under the spray - letting the warmth wash away her hangover and soothe her tired limbs. 

Why she'd taken an extra shift at Solo & co. she had no idea, but her and Finn needed to chat afterwards. The events of last night couldn't be ignored. 

Rey was pouring herself a second cup of French press when Finn stumbled onto the balcony, collapsing at the small table and plonking a litre tumbler of water in front of him. 

'You look like shit warmed up.' 

Greeted Rey cheerfully. 

'Shut up.' He groaned, rubbing at his face with both hands and peering at her from slitted eyes. 

'Why are you so...awake?' 

'Shower. And coffee!' 

He grasped for the cup, ignoring her protests, downing half the burning liquid.

She leant over and slapped his arm. 

'Prick.' 

'Hey, I'm in greater need than you miss...ray of sunshine.' 

'We need to talk.' 

Their gazes met over the cheap plastic table, Finn's worried and glazed, Rey's steely and determined.

There was no getting away from this. 

'I know.' 

'I'm going to work. You better be here when I get back. I'll bring croissants.' 

She disappeared from the flat in a flurry of brown hair and a quick kiss to Finn's head.

'Where am I gonna go man.' Finn murmured to an empty apartment. 

After a few hours running around serving people, food and drinks, Rey felt somewhat normal again. Pretty tired, but normal. 

Poe had texted asking whether everything was ok and she had confirmed she was at work, and he was absolutely welcome to at least ten free coffees.

'Don't worry about it,' he messaged back, 'I enjoyed the first half of the night. I hope fainting guy is ok. You heard anything?' 

'No. I guess he might not be awake yet?'

'Whatever happens, we did a good deed.'

'Yeah, you're right.' 

Rey grabbed some leftover pain au chocolates and exited the cafe with a lot on her mind. 

How was Ben?

Had he got her note? How did he know Finn? Was she ever going to hear from him again? 

Feeling a bit dejected she let herself into the apartment and found Finn sat on the balcony, freshly showered in sweat pants and a t shirt. 

She threw him a croissant and he caught it before it smacked him in the face. He thanked her and set it on the table, pulling it into tiny pieces that she hoped he was going to eat. 

'Sexually frustrated?' Rey sat opposite him and winked leudly to break the ice. 

He laughed. 

'Poe must think I'm a douchebag.' 

'I think he sees more than you think.' 

'That's even worse! He'll be having me committed!'

Rey smothered her smile with a bite chocolate smeared pastry. 

'I think he's nice.' 

Finn raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. 

'Like I have a chance in hell, Rey. He's practically a Greek god.' 

She snorted into her food. 

'Nobody's an Adonis on the inside Finn. You need to cut the guy a break.' 

'Says you. At least I didn't choose Mr Kylo Ren to crush on.'

Rey put the food down, brow creasing. 

'Who?'

'The asshole you were talking to at the bar.' 

'What did you call him?'

'An asshole. Because he is one.' 

She waved her hand irritably. 

'No, not that, his name.'

'Kylo Ren.' Said Finn, with as much disgust as he could muster. 

Rey was quiet, absently squashing the croissant between her finger tips. 

'He said his name was Ben.' 

'Well he lied.' 

'What happened between you two.'

He stared over the railing, unseeing. 

'There was an accident at work. Someone died. And that bastard stood there and did nothing.' 

Rey took a breath.

'Is that why you left?' 

'That was part of it.' Finn looked at her then, gaze serious. 

'He's not a good guy Rey.'

She nodded listlessly, something clenching deep inside of her. 

'There could be circumstances he couldn't control, Finn. You know what he said to me when you left?' 

He sighed.

'What? That it was a terrible accident? That it was just 'out of his hands'?' 

She shook her head.

'He said: 'Tell him I'm sorry.''

'Well sorry isn't good enough.' 

'Sometimes it's all people have.'

'Tell that to the girl who died.' 

There was an uncomfortable silence which Rey broke by taking Finn's hand firmly. 

'I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm sure you did everything you could.' 

Finn closed his eyes, tears pricking the back of his eyelids. 

'I don't know Rey. Maybe I did, maybe-.'

'I'm sure it wasn't your fault.'

He clutched her fingers hard and drew in a shuddering breath. 

'That's not an excuse.' 

'You can't change it.' 

'I know,' he choked, blinking rapidly, 'But I see her face in my dreams.' 

Rey's eyes were burning. She told herself it was the night catching up with her, but seeing Finn swallowing heart-wrenching sobs, face creased with misery really shook her up. 

'Finn.' She whispered quietly, tears spilling over. 

'Oh man, Rey, don't cry!'

He released her hand and dragged her into his arms much for his own comfort as hers.

Poe's POV

What a weird night, the man mused, as he finished tying up his sneakers for his afternoon run. 

He had liked Rey from the moment they'd sparked up a conversation in the cafe. He'd been reeled in by her determined positivity, genuine dimples and wit. 

He wouldn't admit it, but his daily trips to the shop had really bolstered his confidence and without her presence he might never have applied to flight school. 

He stretched slowly, energy sapped from the drinking, dancing and drama. 

His parents weren't thrilled his decision but his sister had been ecstatic - which mattered more to him.

He had wasted a year and a half on a football scholarship but it's not like his family was struggling for money.

He shook his head at his thoughts. 

Rey would say he was being an arrogant asshole. 

He definitely was, but you know what? You only had one life and you might as well live it. 

He was finishing off his semester at NYU and (if he passed the entry exam) heading to the US Air Force next summer. He was older than the candidates, he knew that, but he really fucking loved flying. 

He'd got his pilot licence at 16 and it came as naturally as breathing. There was nothing like it. 

His dorm mates were up and about, Jessica, Rachel and Andy nodding their greetings as he strolled by. 

Jessica had been trying to ask him out for ages, but Poe told himself he had too much on his plate for girls right now. 

A little voice murmured in his mind that Andy was also a potential boyfriend - his all-American Arian good-looks and easy smiles did something to him - but he wasn't all that ready to deal with that yet. 

First things first. 

Poe took the stairs two at a time and fell into a relaxed rhythmic pace across the campus. 

 

 


	7. All The Small Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben needs to get his shit together.

Ben checked himself out of the hospital early Sunday morning, despite his mother's protests. He felt like a cat that had been picked up unceremoniously by a two year old and bathed against his will, only to be dressed in a sailors outfit and paraded in front of the rest of the family. 

He felt angry, out of place, hackles raised against the world. 

He bit the head off the girl at the grocery store for no other reason than he felt like shit and he could.

He grated out a thank you to Leia, telling himself it was like ripping off a bandaid, promising to rest at home. 

What he actually needed to do, however, was take Rollo out. The poor dog had been cooped up inside for an entire day and his apartment was probably trashed.

Ben let himself in and was crushed by the spaniel cross before he'd even stepped over the threshold. 

'Down boy.' He ordered half-heartedly, dropping his shopping on the kitchen counter and kneeling to allow the ball of curly black fur to lather his face. 

'Sorry I left you.'

Rollo clearly didn't care, he wriggled into Ben's lap and buried his cold nose under his ear, tail smacking against his arms. 

Ben sighed into the scruff of his neck and ruffled his ears, feeling his muscles creak as he stood up, heading for the cupboard to grab some dog food. After he'd consumed a carrot and half a cup of coffee, he went to shrug on his coat to take Rollo out but it wasn't on its usual hook. 

What on earth? 

His brows knitted together as he racked his brain. 

Oh crap. 

The club. 

It was still there.

He pulled on a jumper and a scarf and took Rollo out for a long walk, wearing himself out in the process. As he walked he passed one of his mom's cafe chains - the original one he remembered from his childhood - and stood outside, Rollo sniffing passers by enthusiastically. 

He really should go in, he was sure he could get discount if he asked. There was definitely at least one family photo on the wall somewhere in the back.

Or maybe not, his face had been all over the news several years back and the fear of being recognised was strong. 

Then again, he probably didn't look like the boy in the photos, he'd changed so much in then; both in outlook and appearance. 

He tugged Rollo away from boy in a hoodie and tracksuit, missing his double-take as he carried on his walk. 

He picked up his coat, finding the bar tender checking his ID inexplicably annoying, and got back to his flat around 4pm. 

He sank into his sofa, letting Rollo off the lead to do a quick lap of the floor. 

He patted the pockets of the coat to make sure everything was there - pulling out his phone and checking his messages - none, except from his mom. There was a bit of paper; a receipt no doubt. 

He unfolded it and his heart leapt to his throat. 

'Hope you're ok, let me know' - Rey 

Rey. 

The girl. 

The friend of his former colleague. 

Her number was scrawled underneath. 

It was pointless, however. The man had probably told her all about him by now, and who would want to be friends with someone like that? 

Nobody. Exactly. 

He sighed. His head hurt. 

Dumping some more food out for Rollo, he made himself a tea and downed some pills.

The TV was a welcome distraction, the fluffy warm ball of fur lying at his side as he finally allowed himself to relax.

When 10pm came around he was almost too tired to make it across to the bedroom.

He stood blearily in front of the bathroom mirror. My god he looked like shit. Huge bags under his eyes, hair like a bird's nest, longer than usual.

Peeling off his clothes and dragging on an oversized sweater he slid under the covers.

 

He greeted the next morning with gritty eyes and a pounding headache.

Coffee.

He needed coffee now. And about ten gallons of water. He let Rollo out to urinate then tumbled into the shower, feeling only marginally better afterwards. 

He barely spared himself a glance in the steamed mirror, sure his face was whiter than normal and his eyes were bloodshot and glazed.

The sooner he got to work, the sooner he could put all this...weakness behind him.

He dressed in a white shirt, black sweater and grey slacks, pulling on his coat and black scarf before heading out. 

The icy wind hit him as he reached the sidewalk and he clawed into whatever strength reserves he had to keep himself calm and get through the day. 

No matter how long he lived in New York he was never tempted to buy a car. There just wasn't much point - you could get anywhere you wanted by train or cab. He wouldn't admit it to anyone but he liked the anonymity of a big city - how everyone lived their busy, rushing lives around him and he was like a rock in the storm. 

He never kidded himself that he would find happiness - that dream had gone with the lifetime of bad karma he would receive from his past actions. 

Various women he'd dated over the years had been unimpressed by his lack of social standing, hobbies or family connections. 

Ben had never done the college thing so he had missed out on the frat parties, underage drinking, college girls and general irresponsibility.

Unfortunately going straight into Snoke's apprenticeship at First Order Industries had created an adult who was repressed, full of teenage anger and had issues by the boat load.

All this aside, Ben actually enjoyed his job, living in the centre of New York and being able to do what he wanted when he wanted.

It was the little things. 

He pushed his earbuds in and powered through the wind to the station, catching the next train.

First Order Industries was a New York high rise block, steely and shiny like a blade. 

Ben swiped himself in, ignoring most of the reception staff to ride the elevator to his office.

Because he was on the path to becoming COO he was getting more responsibility every day - getting reports from their factories all over the country, making sure everything was running smoothly, the figures were up and that Snoke was happy. 

It had been so long since he'd read a manuscript of any kind, or met with an author to discuss next steps that he had almost forgotten what the primary role of publishing was. 

The moment he stepped inside the office he was momentarily overwhelmed by the amount of work he had to get done today, the piles of reports and calls he would have to do. 

He imagined, briefly, all the pieces of paper in his office coming to life and smothering him and Phasma, his second in command, being really annoyed at him. 

He hung his coat and scarf up and slid behind the desk to log on and sort through the emails. Brooklyn was having trouble again - The Resistence bookstore was boycotting their production, claiming FOI treatment of staff was inhumane and they needed to be held accountable. 

A face flashed across Ben's mind, wide eyed, grey with shock-

No. 

Not today. 

He shook the image off and concentrated on the mess at hand, forwarding what he could to other contacts and dealing with the rest personally. 

By 9am he had smoothed over most of the glaring issues and had made appointments to deal with the rest. 

There was a knock on the door. 

'Yes.' Answered Ben testily, flow cut off abruptly. 

'Mr Ren.' 

Gwen Phasma, a humongously tall lady with silver blonde hair and impeccable dress sense stepped inside. 

'Gwen.' 

'Your 9 o'clock is here.'

He nodded, steeling himself for social interaction, which was fine until an incredibly beautiful and fiery-haired young woman appeared, introducing herself as the second-in-command for The Resistence. 

Ben liked to think he was immune to most beautiful women, but this one was dangerous, long pale legs, bountiful red curls to her breasts, a tasteful form-fitting black dress encasing a quiet frankly impressive silhouette. 

His mouth went dry and if it wasn't for years of etiquette beaten into him by his family, he would have sat there staring up at her without saying a word. As it was, he rose to his feet and held out a hand across the desk, introducing himself and she sat opposite him, crossing her legs revealing perfect white teeth in a dazzling smile. 

Ben was a lot of things, but he was still a red-blooded male. 

The meeting was short and relatively unsuccessful. They recited their spiels and discovered quickly that their ideals clashed spectacularly. 

The woman, Eliza Bebette was not willing to shut her store down in Brooklyn, despite the astronomical sum he offered her - and he wasn't willing to state for the record that the welfare of the workers in his factory would improve.

The atmosphere was tense when Eliza rose gracefully to pointedly shake his hand before she left, claiming ominously that she would 'be in touch'. 

Ben angrily shredded some documents that he probably needed but could blame his secretary, Cece for. 

The rest of the day passed relatively smoothly - he managed not to break anything - and was back in time to take Rollo for a long walk, subconsciously taking them past Solo & co. again to the point that he genuinely considered going in. 

Maybe another time. 

Rollo chose this moment to go for a massive dump and Ben was distracted from the idea for the time being. 

Inside the cafe, Rey glared at whoever's dog was crapping outside the door. She hoped he was going to clean it up. Poe, who was collecting his post-workout mocha turned to see who she was glaring at and frowned.

Was he seeing things? 

'One mocha without whip!' 

He turned away and accepted the drink gratefully, thoughts returning to his immediate surroundings and away from a tall, dark-haired man whose life he might have helped to save. 


	8. Isn't it ironic?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No Ben in this one I'm afraid. Poe invites his pals to a frat party, Finn is back to normal (for now).

For the third time that day, Poe Dameron nearly collided with Andy-two-doors-down in the corridor of their dorm.

And for the third time both of their hands shot out to grab at each other in apology as they inundated the other with 'I'm sorry's'.

Poe tried to ignore the feel of Andy's abs under his track vest and Andy, who was intimidated by Dameron's popularity, prayed that he wouldn't almost knock him out for a fourth time.

'Hey Dameron,' he squeaked, unaware of how his hair stuck up in attractively fuzzy clumps and a fine sheen of perspiration coated his lithe torso.

Poe paused in front of his room and turned to flash a smile.

'We're having party tonight at Pi Beta if you wanna come along?'

Poe blinked. In all his time at NYU he had never said yes to a frat party invite. Confronted with Andy's awkward charm and earnest blue eyes he was confounded for a moment.

'Sure, buddy. Am I alright to bring a few friends?'

The boy's eyebrows shot up.

'Y-yeah, s-sure man.' He smiled shakily and placed a vague fist into Poe's shoulder, immediately regretting it.

He nodded several times too many and carried on his journey, narrowly avoiding clocking Hosanna in the face with his shoulder.

Poe walked calmly into his dorm room and let out a breath.

Well, this was new.

For the first time in a long time he took an 'extended' shower, thoughts clouded with clear blue eyes and sandy hair.

 

Rey received a text about an hour before Poe entered the cafe for his regular caffeine fix.

She grinned at her friend and gave him a free muffin for his troubles.

'So, party Friday night?'

He nodded, smiling.

'Hopefully we won't be making any 911 calls this time.'

He laughed.

'And your friend Finn won't go AWOL.' 

'I think he's learned his lesson. Well, at least I hope he has.' 

'It'll be a crash course in college life.' 

'I look forward to experiencing it.' 

Rey leaned forwards and lowered her voice.

'You won't get into trouble because of us will you?' 

'What are they gonna do? Throw me out?' 

Rey dimpled. 

'Good point. See you Friday, Poe.' 

Rey's week passed in a sea of coffee and fixing machines. Finn was being unexpectedly positive, upbeat and supportive. She suspected he'd turned a corner in his spell of depression, but she didn't want to suggest job hunting until he also felt ready to apply himself. 

On the Thursday night, Finn was sat with her laptop on his knee when she came home from work. Some pasta had been cooked for two and she felt her heart flutter with affection for him. 

'Hey Finn,' she dropped her bag on her bed and perched next to him on the sofa, 'What's happening?'

'Hey,' he replied, smiling, 'I realise I haven't been a good friend to you these past few months-' he flapped away her protest, 'I thought maybe you wanted to look at college applications. Your internship finishes in October?' 

She nodded, face hurting from beaming so hard. 

'Let's do it now. You've started your personal statement?' 

She repeated the action. 

'Good. We'll go over it now. I'll get you some pasta.'

'Thanks Finn, it means a lot.' 

He waved away her words but she saw a blush creeping up his neck. 

He was a good guy. Insecure, impulsive, emotional and stupid sometimes but a really good guy. 

Rey opened her previous document and began. 

 

By the time Friday came around Rey and Finn had done three college applications waiting on references from her two jobs and Finn had handed in his resume to Solo & co. He wasn't quite sure what he wanted to do long-term, but he wasn't too up his own ass that he couldn't work in a coffee shop. 

Getting ready to meet Poe outside Pi Beta, both friends were in high spirits. Rey had even managed to fork out some of her wages for a small bottle of cheap whiskey. 

There was a feeling of euphoria in the air. Rey put on a dress - it was strapless and floaty with a floral print, so unlike her that she felt like a different person; someone who was reckless and pretty. 

Finn was coerced into wearing a shirt that was a dark red, complimenting his dark skin and brown eyes. 

They were spirited and ready to dance the night away by the time they arrived at the college, Poe letting them in around 9, hugging Rey and pulling Finn into a one-armed embrace, oblivious of the flush that darkened the man's cheeks. 

'Beer?' 

'Whiskey.' Implored Rey, face a bit pink and eyes bright. 

'I'll see what I can do.' He led them inside to a colourful swarm of students dancing, jumping up and down, waving all manner of red cups and glow sticks to their heart's content. 

Rey immediately snatched up some sticks for the three of them, swaying subconsciously to the beat and looking around her, wide-eyed. 

She'd never seen so many young people in one place before! Was this really what college was like?

She was interrupted from her rapture by Poe who pulled her into the crowd and mock-slow danced with her to a really not slow song. 

Surreptitiously Finn grabbed a large tumbler of beer and drank most of it before Rey pulled him into the fray.  

There was a film of ecstasy that coated the night, drawing everybody under its spell. 

After the first beer and a whiskey Finn began to loosen up, throwing some shapes that Rey tried to replicate and failed. Poe proved a decent dancing partner and Rey thought if she found him attractive she would be completely wrapped around his little finger. 

It wasn't just that he was good-looking either. He was kind, considerate, reliable and easy-going. He was unapologetically unselfconscious and generous in his smiles and compliments. 

Rey wondered what it would be like to be the golden boy instead of some backwater orphan who had been abandoned by her parents and left to rot in Jakku.

This thought left her inexplicably sad for a moment, and she let herself wallow in her past for a couple of painful seconds before pushing all the bitter feelings aside and accepting a smiley blonde boy's offer to dance, laughing when he swung her arms awkwardly from side-to-side and spun her in circles until she was dizzy. 

Poe joined them, fresh drinks balanced in his arms, one even tucked under his chin.

In the feverish lights of the party, his brown eyes were carefree and crinkled with mirth, strong features volumptuous and oddly delicate - graceful but masculine.

He was all movie star with non of the poise.

He didn't care that his hair was curling in the heat, or his cheek imprinted with a glossy lip-mark, or that his t-shirt was stuck to his slim torso in patches from alcohol or sweat, who knew.

As she giggled and helped him unload his burden onto his friends she noticed that her blonde dance partner had stopped moving, his eyes were fixed on Poe like he'd been hyptnotised.

He was rolling back on his heels as though he was nervous, but his face was lit with a stupified grin. 

Rey sipped her beer (there was no more whiskey) and surveyed the exchange with interest.

Poe had rid himself of his cargo and was looking at the boy with a slightly confused expression on his face. When neither said anything, Poe raised his cup in an enthusiastic toast and downed it in one. 

'Rey, Andy.' He introduced them and Rey beamed, thrilled to make another acquaintance. 

Finn joined the group and they engaged in a shouted conversation over the music. 

Rey and Finn-approved, Andy along with Hosanna, Rachel and Jessica from Poe's dorm became part of the group.

Jessica was very striking, long strawberry blonde hair and olive skin, green eyes and long legs (much longer than Rey's). Finn's eyes narrowed when she draped herself over Poe's arm - but Rey suspected it was a one-sided affair, a crush that maybe hadn't quite faded. 

The night rolled on with a vengeance and several tequila shots later Rey stumbled outside for some fresh air.

Her head was spinning and she stopped, bracing herself against the wall and taking in slow, deep breaths. Eventually the world righted itself and she smiled giddily, drinking in the ambience of a college at night and allowing her drunk mind to be soothed by the cool breeze. 

She wondered whether it was possible to feel like this forever; invincible and brimming with joy. 

The trees waved languidly, the scent of rain reaching her just as the first drops fell. 

Rey closed her eyes and revelled in the moment, dress damp from the weather before she knew it. 

About to head back inside, a flicker of movement caught her eye and she peered down the side of the frat house until she spotted two figures. She recognised that blonde head and - she frowned - who was that he was pressing against the wall- 

'Rey, it's raining, what you doing out here? You ok? Where's-.' 

The look on her face must have said everything and Finn broke off, looking where she had been looking, confused. 

Rey's brain was moving too slowly to think of a good interjection to distract her friend and all she could do was stand there, watching emotions pass over his face like traffic lights.

'Finn-.' She murmured. He met her gaze, sticking his bottom lip out in a minuscule shrug of nonchalance. 

They both turned to watch the scene, apparently incapable of looking away. 

Andy had crowded Poe up against the red-brick wall, using his extra inches of height to aligne their bodies. He wasn't wearing much - a white t-shirt that was getting progressively more opaque and jeans. His head was angled downwards and he was kissing Poe with no small amount of fervour - hands splayed on the brick either side. 

Poe was responding unhurriedly, savouring the kisses, hands resting on Andy's hips and proving perhaps once and for all that he was not entirely straight. 

'Guess that solves that question.' 

Joked Rey lamely.

Finn actually laughed, though it was more of a choked bark.

'You're not wrong. Guess I missed my mark.'

Then, softly, to himself, 'Good job Finn, always the last to the post. Goddamn.' 

'Let's go inside.' 

Rey held out her hand and Finn took it, letting her lead him away.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter titles:  
> 1&2: Elvis  
> 3: Del Amitri  
> 4: Needtobreathe  
> 5&6 James Bay  
> 7:Blink 182  
> 8: Alanis Morissette


	9. Poor Fool, He Makes Me Laugh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to Mr BS.

Ben was having the worst month. 

Everything was going to pot - all of his carefully engineered plans, meetings, deals with investors, competitors and clients - were in the stratosphere in pieces. He felt like he was in the midst of a hurricane trying desperately to grab the parts of his life that whirled around him. 

And it was all because of that woman. 

Eliza Bebette. 

Her and the bloody Resistence were - well - resisting their takeover and she had some how managed to gain mass public sympathy and consequently media attention. 

If she wasn't so attractive this would never have happened, he fumed to himself on the way to work one Thursday morning. He felt like shit, looked like shit and had barely slept since his stint in hospital. He felt strung out, waspish and ready to snap - which was never a good sign. 

As he swept up to his office in a flurry of black fabric (it was snowing outside), eyes flashing at anyone who dared talk to him, Phasma appeared at his elbow, unphased by the hate radiating from his person.

If he had an aura it would be red and throbbing with rage. 

'Snoke wants to talk to you. Your 9 and 9.30 have been cancelled.' 

Anything else and he would have punched a wall. As it was he nodded curtly and stormed into his office, almost smashing the glass as he closed it behind him. 

Snoke.

Fan-fucking-tastic. 

He was probably just calling to tell him what a failure he was, how he'd screwed up, how he regretted ever taking him etc etc.

Just the usual stuff. 

Ben raked his thick hair out of his eyes, methodically undressing and sitting calmly at his desk, taking a breath and turning on his desktop. 

As though by magic, his Skype popped up with a new call and he accepted it with trepidation. 

'Kylo Ren.' 

Without fail Snoke made him feel like a little kid again, he could almost feel himself shrink in size as he looked into those grey orbs that told him so much without words. 

'Sir.'

'I'm disappointed in your progress, Kylo, you've been...slow, unfocused this week. I expect more from you at this stage.' 

All he could do was nod, his throat closing up. 

Snoke sighed and Ben felt anxiety ripple through him. 

'I realise some of these recent...developments are beyond your control.' 

He paused, waiting for Ben to defend himself. 

'Sir, the resistance has gathered much public support of late - I can't compensate every journalist in New York-.' 

This was the wrong thing to say. 

'Ren,' Snoke looked murderous, 'I do not appreciate poor excuses.'

Ben closed his mouth, mollified. 

'We need to try a different approach.' 

Ben nodded. Snoke looked away and back, a true expression of disgust on his face. 

'Gwen has alerted me to the fact that we have to become more...appealing to the unwashed masses.' 

Ben's face was blank. 

'We are putting together a new promotional phase.' 

Snoke looked revolted at the thought. 

'Among other things, I will need to you get involved in the running of things, Kylo. And...' He picked an invisible piece of fluff off his suit jacket, 'Make an appearance in our promotional,' he fluttered a hand, 'TV spots and general advertisements.' 

Ben felt his chest contract in horror, but his face remained impassive.

'The university of New York has requested that we pencil in some...free seminars on business and such matters. I expect you to shoulder this responsibility as the next COO. Hux will join you, and Gwen I expect.'

There was a pregnant pause that Ben wanted to scream into. 

'That will be all. Don't let me down, I'm counting on you to step up to the plate, Kylo.' 

The screen went blank and Ben almost crumpled in a heap on the desk. Instead he took some measured breaths and steeled himself for the next step. He closed his laptop, stood up, but on his coat and ran straight into Phasma outside the door. 

'I'm doing a coffee run.' He said, barely getting the words out in his desperation to leave, 'I expect a summary of the new promotion on my desk when I return.'

He had almost escaped when Phasma called him back. 

'Ren.'

He turned to fix her with his best withering glare. 

'Grande four-shot americano. Hazelnut latte for Hux. Whatever your receptionist wants.'

He spun away without acknowledgement and flew down the stairs, only stopping when he was four blocks away. 

Ben nipped down a side alley and put a hand on the wall to steady himself, trying to smooth the creases in his shaky breaths. 

What that man did to him. 

He really wished he had the strength to stand up to him, to tell him that he was a horrendous cold-hearted man.

Ben thought about his past mistakes that had led him to this point in his life and sighed. 

In some ways he was almost as bad. 

He was nearly 30, it was far too late for regrets. 

Straightening up, he decided now was the time to cash in his family discount at Solo & co. If he didn't come back with coffee Phasma would be confused as hell. 

He probably looked like shit but thankfully his once stellar reputation was down in the gutter with the sewage and the rats. 

Long strides took him to the familiar front door and with entry, into a warm bustling hub of noise and nostalgia. 

Ben Solo stood at the door of his parents shop and breathed in deep, closing his eyes and remembering all the times he came here to help out at the beginning, when he was a child and he had tried their first cinnamon hot chocolate and pretended to hate it (but secretly loved it), when he had smashed all the new latte glasses all over the counter and his father had been speechless with anger, when his mother had made him a 'special' honey macchiato after his breakup with Mandy, when he had sneaked out of their upstairs apartment to see Tilly, when Uncle Luke had come to take him away and he had walked out of the door and never looked back. 

Oh well. 

Times had changed and his parents were not only no longer together and had left the building above a long long time ago. 

He joined the queue and suddenly felt self-conscious. Above the bar were several 'brand' photos of the Solo's, from a shy ten year old to an awkward teenager, his life was set out step by step - until 18 - and then it stopped. 

Just before the till, there was one last picture. 

He was stood with his Mom and Dad - weeks before their divorce. He was monstrously tall even then, towering over both his parents like a freak of nature. His hair was shorter but his eyes were fixed on a point beyond the camera. He could see himself staring into a future without all of this shit, independent, 'real'. He'd been young, naive and incredibly ignorant. 

He looked away, an acute sense of embarrassment passing over him, tinging his cheekbones pink. 

It was at this point that the girl at register greeted him cheerfully.

'Good morning Sir, what can I get you today?'

Ben realised he didn't even know what he was ordering. 

He skimmed over the menu board, his shame mounting. 

'Uh...' Very smooth Ben, completely in control, 'Four...shot Americano?' 

He felt himself break into a nervous sweat.

'Grande?'

'Sure.'

He was having difficulty thinking about anything, God forbid what coffee he wanted to drink.

Coffee? 

He hadn't ordered a coffee in years. 

'Anything else?' 

'Lil, you wanna finish this order then I'll take you off for your-.' 

She stopped speaking and the odd pause in conversation made Ben unhook his gaze from the board and look down.

Oh shit Jesus Christ in heaven above it was the girl. From the bar. The girl. 

Rey. 

His eyes slid to her name badge and back to her comically surprised face. 

Shit shit shit. 

Fuck. 

'Anything else for you Sir?' Said the other girl, voice strained. 

'Ben.' 

'Hi. Sorry I-.' 

'Doesn't matter. Glad you're up and about.' 

She smiled, dimples blossoming, then glanced at the till.

'Americano?'

'Work run,' he explained awkwardly, 'I needed a break.'

Rey nodded and let the first girl escape so it was just the two of them in this bubble of weirdness.

'Hazelnut latte? And uh - something for my receptionist?' 

'What does she like?'

'I have no idea.' 

'I'll pick something.' 

'Ok. Uh-.' He wanted to say thank you but somehow it didn't seem like the right time. 

Even in her work polo and unflattering orange apron she was incredibly attractive.

He wanted to see what was underneath. 

To make her come apart beneath his hands. 

He wanted to know her. 

'Anything else, Ben?'

Yes, everything. 

He mentally shook himself. 

'No. Thank you.' 

As he carried his drinks to the door he chanced one more glimpse of her, traitorous eyes moving to the Solo family portrait and his heart sank. 

There was no future where he could make this work. This girl wasn't for him, she was too good, too pure, too full of life. 

He would destroy her like he destroyed everything else. 

With Rey's puzzled gaze following him, Ben left, vowing never to return. 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be Reylo, let them make their way to each other :).


	10. Live Like You Were Dying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe isn't very good at commitment, Rey ponders her encounter with Ben and Finn is a bit sad, but not deterred.

 Poe and Andy had returned to their dorm without incident and messed around a bit but actually ended up just falling asleep in Poe's single bed dorm, tangled up in a swathe of sheets. 

Poe woke up first, his body clock cemented to those early-morning runs. 

He peeled himself off the pillow and glanced blearily at Andy, still sound asleep spooning his pillow. 

Poe smiled sleepily and briefly considered lazing around in bed but, now he was awake all he wanted was some fresh air and a pint of water. 

He swung his legs onto the floor and sat for a moment, rubbing his eyes before stretching extensively and wandering in his boxers to his wardrobe, sweats and a t shirt for this morning, be decided. 

He rinsed out his cafetière and measured out that and boiling water to wake himself up. Three pints of water later and he felt marginally better. 

'So Poe,' he thought calmly, 'You have a man in your bed. You're not freaking out. This is new.' 

He scratched his head, staring towards the door of his room as he wondered what his family would think about this. Probably not much. His mom wouldn't care, his dad, well...Poe mentally dismissed the problem and filled a fresh glass, ambling back to gently shake Andy awake. 

Back at the Finn-Rey household there was also a lot of coffee and water being consumed. They both agreed that they'd had a good time but there was a feeling of disappointment, of resignation hanging in the air. 

They sat out on the balcony and watched the city rush around like an ant's nest, the sun cheering Rey up slightly like it always did, despite the chill in air that preceded the coming Autumn in New York.

'At least now you know.'

She repeated her words from the night before, not sure what she could actually say to help Finn out. 

Finn stared into his coffee morosely for a minute, then met her eyes, a wry smile on his face. 

'You're so right. Watching him with another guy really made my night.'

'Could have been a girl.' 

'I think that would have been better, actually. At least then I could just write him off like every other straight guy I've crushed on.'

'True.'

The lull in conversation was filled with steady traffic and car horns, birds chirping as they circled around. 

'Now I'm thinking 'it could have been me.''

Finn carried on. He didn't seem upset, just a bit bummed out. Rey could relate. She turned the cup in her hands and wondered whether now was a good time to say she'd seen Ben. Potentially - it might help take his mind off things. 

'It might be a one-time thing,' Rey interjected reasonably, 'It might have been on the cards for a while - you don't know the whole story. Maybe he's only just like...venturing into the wonderful world of...men.' 

Finn laughed. 

'It is a wonderful world.' 

'Oh I know.' Rey winked leudly, then snorted and changed the subject. 

'So I saw Ben - Kylo - whatever his name is-,' she waved a hand, 'Earlier.' 

'What do you mean you 'saw him earlier?''

Finn exclaimed.

'I saw him earlier!' 

'When? Where?'

'He came into the cafe.' Rey mumbled, feeling more self-conscious by the second. 

'He came into the cafe?!' 

'Stop repeating everything I say, moron.' 

Finn was quiet for a moment, then he seemed to steel himself for the worst. 

'What happened.' 

'He ordered a coffee, Finn, what do you think happened? Yeah, we had sex everywhere. In fact, we're having sex right now.' 

Finn glared at her flatly. 

'You know how I feel about him.' 

'Yeah I do. He's also just one man.' 

'Yeah one asshole of a man.' Muttered Finn, who received a slap on the arm for his troubles. 

'Nothing happened. We talked. He apologised. I'll probably never see him again, end of story.' 

Finn relaxed slightly and fixed her with a fond look, leaning across the table to mess up her hair. 

'I'm just looking out for you. I'm pretty sure that guy has an army of skeletons in his closet.' 

Rey stuck out her tongue. 

'Don't we all.' 

'I think he would get the prize.' 

'Well there's another side to every story. People aren't all bad. Not even the worst of them.' 

'That doesn't mean Kylo Ren Ben can be saved, Rey. Some people just don't want to redeemed.'

'Well if I ever see him again I'll let you know how it goes.' 

'Yeah well if he hurts you too, he's gonna be havin' me to deal with!' Finn puffed himself up, looking more like a blowfish than a formidable enemy. 

'Yeah you're terrifying. I'm quaking in my boots.' 

Finn shook his head, unimpressed and Rey giggled. 

'I could probably kick his ass.' 

'I can't disagree.' 

'You can be my cheerleader.' 

'Thanks for that.' 

 

 


	11. House of Cards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn attempts to be friends with Poe. Ben struggles at work and Rey is a gift to us all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay in updates recently - life 'n' all that.

Finn was sad about Poe. 

He didn't want to put his hurt feelings on display when he'd only met the guy a few times but he was a bit more upset than he thought he would be. He always seemed to come last - last in the queue, last in the sports teams, last choice as a romantic liaison, just never at the top of someone's list.

He knew he was being slightly over dramatic. Poe didn't know Finn was gay - hell- he might not know himself if he swung that way or not but there was that niggling doubt that sat at the back of Finn's mind and told him how shit he was that wouldn't go away. 

Unfortunately for Finn, working at Solo's meant seeing Poe once - sometimes twice a day - and putting on a brave face.

When in doubt, smile. 

Finn wasn't sure what it was about him either that made his heart beat faster, made him stumble over his words and his knees weak. He thought perhaps it was everything: from his crinkly brown eyes, to his 60 watt smile, to his quiet confidence, humble nature and positive attitude. 

God he was so sexy. 

Much like Rey and Poe had bonded over a similar outlook, Finn and Poe bonded over other things - football, sexual innuendoes, Rey, coffee, super hero movies. 

Finn got used to putting his feelings on the back-burner and eventually relaxed around the guy, finding that it was a lot easier to be normal if he wasn't thinking about the guy's sex appeal 24-7. He got used to making him laugh, teasing him, surprising him with weird (and sometimes gross) coffee concoctions and generally having him around. When him, Rey and Poe were together it was like being on cloud 9 and for the first time in a long time Finn felt truly settled. 

Whether Poe had followed up the drunken kiss with Andy was never touched upon but in the few times he saw them together, they never seemed anything other than friends.

Finn guessed that was college. 

 

Over at FOI Ben was having a not so smooth ride. 

For the past three days he had been in and out of meetings to organise the promo shoot, groomed to within an inch of his life for the posters (God only knew why they wanted his face on a billboard), planned several lectures at NYU and attended one press conference where he wanted to shoot himself in the eyeballs. 

Today (Wednesday) was TV spot day and they wanted something that would resonate with a younger audience - they actually wanted him to smile on camera and his cheek muscles were already hurting at the thought. 

They had a set and character lines and everything. The theme was 'Sending love your way' and Ben was playing a guy who'd received the wrong package and was trying to get it back to the right owner. 

He was awkward, angry, morose and peeved about the whole thing but after one run through of him scowling, researching the FOI database for help and finally delivering the package in person to a pretty young girl, feeling like a giant dork; the board absolutely loved it. 

'You really do dark and mysterious well, Kylo.' One of the directors told him and his face flushed with the trauma of it all. 

'Are we done for the day? I would like to notify Mr Snoke of our progress.' 

He was getting out of there whether she said yes or no, but he would try and be polite about it. She waved him away and he made it back to his office in record time. 

He sat heavily at his desk, feeling the chair protest at the treatment. The clock ticked loudly in the silence and he stared at as though he had the power to change the very fabric of the universe.

Slowly, his gaze slid back into focus and he noted that it was only ten past eleven. Plenty of time before Snoke would expect an update. Plenty of time for an early lunch. 

He had just stood up to reach for his coat on the stand when there was a smart rap on the door. 

'Yes?'

It was Gwen, she looked annoyingly fresh considering she had a similar workload to him. Damn women and their makeup.

'Ren. You're going out for lunch? Hux wants a coffee from wherever you went last time.' 

Ben's hands clenched on the wool of his coat, gritting his teeth against an unappealing growl. 

'Can't he just get his own damn coffee.' 

Gwen's face stayed smooth. 

'Well you can tell him.' 

And she left. 

Just fucking left him. 

It took all his strength not to take the coat stand and throw it across the room. 

He was stuck. 

What excuse could he give Hux? 'Sorry man, I can't go back because that shop contains the ghost of my childhood and a stupidly beautiful girl.'

Yeah, that would make him look like a complete twit.

But the thought of seeing Rey again (or maybe not, if she wasn't working) made him want to vomit.

He was just being a baby, he just needed to go to the shop, establish themselves as nothing but passing acquaintances - put on a mask - and everything would be fine.

He pulled the coat on, took a deep breath and left.  

When he finally arrived at the familiar doorstep his stomach flopped around like a tired puppy. 

Why was he here, now, breaking promises to himself. 

He was just setting himself up for failure.

He pushed back his perfectly styled hair (fluffy but shiny), tugged absently at the ends of the huge red scarf he still wore from the shoot and went in.

His heart contracted.

It wasn't Rey, it was his former employee and the cash desk.

He wasn't quite sure what was worse.

He steeled himself and headed towards the end of the queue. Plotting what he was going to say in his head, he got to the front of the line and the guy's dark eyes met his, anger flashing up, then replaced by aggressive politeness. 

'What can I get you today,' Finn asked, then with great disgust, 'Sir.' 

Ben lost the ability to speak temporarily.

'I-,' he cleared his throat and ran his fingers agitatedly through his hair, messing it up exponentially, 'I-.' 

'Yes?' 

Finn looked unimpressed, Ben figured he deserved all that he got. 

He eventually reeled off the order, looking down at the counter for the duration.

The boy punched it onto the screen with undue ferocity and Ben wondered whether he would spit in the drinks. Part of him hoped he did. Hux would never know. 

'10.75.' 

Ben slid his card into the machine and prayed that a certain someone didn't-

'Hey Ben.' 

Rey appeared from the back like she hadn't a care in the world, tying an apron and smiling. 

'Work run?' 

He retrieved his card and nodded, words falling out of his mouth before he could stop them. 

'If I have to hug one more person today-.'

He bit back the rest of the sentence, thoughts multiplying as his frustration at Stupid Ben mounted. 

Rey blinked. 

'What are you talking about?' 

Nothing, Ben. Don't say anyth-.

'Shooting a promotional video at work.'

Rey looked even more surprised, her brown eyes connecting with his as she reached up to start on the line of cups. 

Ben moved to the end of the bar.

'What sort of video was it?'

'I had to,' Ben flapped his big hands around, 'Pretend to be this guy who gets the wrong package and then I return it to her at the end.' 

'So the hugging?'

Rey thumped the cartons on the bar. 

'She was so grateful that she-.' He gestured between them with disdain.

Rey burst out laughing.

'What?!'

'I don't know,' she grinned, 'You seem really unhappy at the idea. Was she really that bad?' 

Ben frowned at her, wanting to say she was severely missing the point. 

'No,' he grumbled, 'It's just the whole thing stinks.'

'Well there you have it.'

And she just beamed at him like she'd discovered something new. 

'Wait, does this mean it'll be on tv?' 

He looked at her like she had suggested he needed a bath and she tried to stop smiling but failed miserably. He grabbed his tray of drinks and made to leave. This has been the worst idea ever. 

'Is that why your hair looks so shiny?' She called after him. 

She could practically see steam coming out of his ears. 

'Bye Ben!'

He waved minutely and she cackled mercilessly, only sobering when Finn gave her a stony look and smiling quietly to herself when he turned away.


	12. What You've Done to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben gets a unwanted reminder of his past. Rey is oblivious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been MIA guys! This chapter is a short one but I wanted to let you know I'm still here, still writing!

The next time Ben came in it was clear Rey had seen the advert and he felt himself deflate like a week-old balloon. 

'I don't even have a TV,' she told him, with glee. 

'H-how did you?' Ben pushed his messy curls from his face, clawing in his pocket for his card. 

Rey was beaming like the sun.

'Technology these days.' 

'How is it on the internet already?' Ben resisted the urge to put his face in his hands. 

'You're quite the minor celebrity.' She winked and colour bloomed across his cheekbones. 

'Hey, don't get yourself in a flurry - the feedback is pretty positive - I mean in relation to you, not the First Order. Did I tell you I'm doing an apprenticeship there?'

Ben looked at her in shock. 

'What?'

'An apprenticeship,' Rey dimpled but her eyes were cautious, 'I work on the machines on the factory floor. Obviously not quite at your level I know but I enjoy it.'

Ben stared at her, more surprised than if she'd announced she was joining a secret society of religious ninjas that fought with lazer blades. 

'You work with me. I mean-,' his brow scrunched, 'You work at the industry. You're a mechanic.' 

Looking more than a little bit confused, Rey nodded, then carried on smiling. Ben wished she wouldn't smile so much, it was so damn distracting. She was too pretty for her own good, hair dotted with dried milk, apron splashed with chocolate syrup, sweat ghosting her temples, cheeks pink. 

'I love machines!' She continued obliviously, 'I'm pretty good with cars too - any cars really - I love to like -,' she gestured excitedly, 'Take things apart and see how they all work together-.' 

'Don't you touch my coffee machine, Miss Kenobi.' 

A tiny wizened woman with a pair of huge glasses attached to a beaded chain perched over an equally tiny button of a nose, framing piercing brown eyes. 

'I won't!' Rey agreed, winking so quickly at Ben he thought he'd imagined it. Rey whirled round to help out her colleague on the bar and the tiny woman regarded him seriously, taking off her glasses, staring into his soul.

'It's been a long time since you set foot in this place, Ben Solo.' 

Ben felt his stomach clench in horror.

Sure, there were photos of him lining the walls and he'd never purposefully hid his identity but this woman unapologetically airing his dirty laundry to the world like that. He felt the blood drain from his face. 

She tilted her head slightly, considering him still, giving him no quarter. 

'You don't remember me.' She nodded to herself and put her glasses back on.

Ben let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. 

'I...'

'You might find your way back yet.'

Ben was super concerned. What did she mean 'find your way back'? From where? To what? Why was he not back already? Where had he gone?

'Ben!' 

Rey had slapped his order into a carry-tray and was grinning happily. 

'Thanks.' He muttered to the woman's retreating back, reserving a more natural smile for Rey as he scooped up the cups in one big hand. 

'See ya!' 

He waved with his free hand, glad that was it, then-

'Don't let the fame go to your head!'

He clenched his teeth and painted a resolute smile on his face, striding to the door and nearly knocking over a girl in the process. The peels of Rey's laughter followed him out and he ducked his head against the wind, smirking despite himself. 

 


End file.
